It’s a question that seems so simple, yet it holds a depth that can feel almost impossible to articulate. When asked what they want out of life, many people respond with some version of “I just want to be happy.” It’s a phrase that’s both vague and profound, capturing a universal longing while leaving the specifics open to interpretation.
But what does happiness really look like in your life? And perhaps more importantly, how do we go about finding it?
One way to explore this question is to ask people directly: “What would make you happy?” But here’s the catch—research consistently shows that we’re not very good at knowing what’s truly good for us. Our answers are often shaped by myths and assumptions about happiness that don’t hold up under scrutiny. One of the most pervasive myths is the idea that happiness is something we achieve, like a trophy we can display on a shelf. Or that it’s a destination—some far-off place we’ll reach once we’ve overcome all the obstacles in our way. And once we get there, we’ll just stay, basking in perpetual contentment.
But life doesn’t work that way. Happiness isn’t a static state. It’s not something we “arrive at” and then hold onto forever.
Over two thousand years ago, Aristotle introduced a concept that still resonates deeply today: eudaimonia. It’s a term that refers to a state of well-being where life feels meaningful and purposeful. In modern psychology, eudaimonia is often contrasted with hedonia, which refers to the fleeting pleasure of momentary joys. If hedonic happiness is what you feel when you’re savoring a delicious meal or laughing with friends, eudaimonic happiness is the deeper sense of fulfillment that comes from knowing your life has value and purpose, even in the face of challenges. The truth is, most of us want both. We crave the joy of a good time and the satisfaction of a life well-lived. It’s not about choosing one over the other, but about discerning what feels right in each moment.
For example, Emma and Jake both turn 30 and have to choose how to spend their birthdays. Emma celebrates by booking a luxury spa day, indulging in fine dining, and partying with friends. She feels amazing in the moment—relaxed, entertained, and happy. This is hedonic wellbeing—happiness from pleasure. Jake, on the other hand, spends the day working hard to organize a surprise celebration for his grandmother, who hasn’t had a real birthday party in years. Seeing her face light up and knowing he made her feel special gives him a deep sense of fulfillment that lasts long after the party. This is eudaimonic wellbeing—happiness from meaning. Neither choice is right or wrong – but they provide different types of satisfaction.
Happiness comes in many forms. It’s not a single, fixed experience but a dynamic interplay between fleeting pleasures and enduring purpose. And moment by moment, we get to decide what to pursue and what to let go. As we continue to explore the science of happiness, we’ll dive deeper into the fascinating gap between what we think will make us happy and what actually does.
It’s a journey worth taking.
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I'm glad this resonated with you, Payam.
Really wonderful insights, thank you for everything Dr. waldinger