I listen a lot to my old man friends. I ask a lot of questions because I'm by nature curious and it helps me to avoid thinking I "know" a person. I can tell you with certainty, and with a wee bit of disappointment, this curiosity is not reciprocated. Not one of my old man friends has ever asked a single "in-depth" question about me. I'm fine with this as it is something I cannot change. However, the observation extends my curiosity. Are my old man friends mindful to some degree? I was in the habit of thinking about mindfulness as low-hanging fruit on the journey to growing older.
Sadly, many people are not very interested in others, so they don't ask the questions we hope they will ask. What happens when you offer things about yourself in the conversation? It can be a good litmus test to see if the other person is interested or immediately switches the subject back to themselves.
Thanks for your response, Dr. Waldinger. When I offer things about myself in the conversation, the litmus paper invariably turns blue, my friends are simply reminded of more things to say about themselves. My solace is to know the listening, the questions, the replies, the ongoing conversation, one-sided and all, are for me all part of a deep dive into the moment for which I am grateful I have the gear.
I listen a lot to my old man friends. I ask a lot of questions because I'm by nature curious and it helps me to avoid thinking I "know" a person. I can tell you with certainty, and with a wee bit of disappointment, this curiosity is not reciprocated. Not one of my old man friends has ever asked a single "in-depth" question about me. I'm fine with this as it is something I cannot change. However, the observation extends my curiosity. Are my old man friends mindful to some degree? I was in the habit of thinking about mindfulness as low-hanging fruit on the journey to growing older.
Sadly, many people are not very interested in others, so they don't ask the questions we hope they will ask. What happens when you offer things about yourself in the conversation? It can be a good litmus test to see if the other person is interested or immediately switches the subject back to themselves.
Thanks for your response, Dr. Waldinger. When I offer things about myself in the conversation, the litmus paper invariably turns blue, my friends are simply reminded of more things to say about themselves. My solace is to know the listening, the questions, the replies, the ongoing conversation, one-sided and all, are for me all part of a deep dive into the moment for which I am grateful I have the gear.