The Connection Cure

Finding Resilience Through Relationships

Dec 17, 2025

As someone who has spent over two decades studying human happiness through the Harvard Study on Adult Development, I’m often asked: What’s the secret to staying happy during tumultuous times?

The answer might surprise you in its simplicity—yet challenge you in its execution.

The World Has Always Been Burning

As a Zen practitioner, I often return to the Buddha’s teaching that “all the world is burning and it has always been burning.” This isn’t pessimism—it’s realism. There has always been hardship, chaos, and suffering. Yes, we’re living through difficult times, but difficult times are not new to the human experience.

What I’ve learned from 85 years of research tracking 724 men through the Great Depression, World War II, and beyond is this: Nobody gets through hard times alone.

The Myth of Self-Sufficiency

The idea of the “self-made man” is exactly that—a myth. We rely on each other all day long, every day. When we asked our original study participants how they survived the Depression and the war, almost all talked about other people.

“We just shared everything we had with our neighbors, and they did that with us,” they told us. Soldiers spoke of letters from home and the buddies they entrusted their lives to. In our darkest moments, it’s the connection that carries us through.

What About Introverts?

I’m often asked: Does this apply to introverts too? Absolutely. Being an introvert isn’t a deficit—it simply means you refuel from alone time rather than social time. Our culture may glorify extroverts, but introverts need connection just as much. The difference is in quantity, not quality.

When we asked our middle-aged participants who they would call in the middle of the night if they were sick or scared, some couldn’t name anyone, but most could list several people. We believe everyone—introvert or extrovert—needs at least one or two “safety-net” relationships. These are your go-to people, the ones you can truly count on.

But don’t discount the smaller connections either. Even those brief pleasant exchanges—saying hello to the checkout person at the supermarket—contribute to your wellbeing. Every bit of genuine human contact matters.

A Message for Those Facing Crisis

To young adults starting out on their careers and facing unprecedented challenges, and to anyone weathering storms right now: Don’t withdraw. Don’t give up.

Take care of your relationships, including the casual ones. You never know where your next job opportunity, your next source of inspiration, or your next close friend will come from. Everyone weathers difficulty better when we do it as a community.

I’ll be honest—even as a Zen practitioner, my temptation in darker moments is to withdraw, to hide. But my practice reminds me that I can’t do that. Zen doesn’t teach withdrawal; it teaches engagement with the world. It encourages us to “hear the cries of the world” and respond with awareness, compassion, and action.

Finding Your Present Moment

While meditation has been invaluable to me, it’s not for everyone. If meditation doesn’t call to you, find your own “happy place”—that activity where you get lost in the present moment and time flies. Maybe it’s playing music, gardening, walking in nature, or playing soccer.

My wife never meditates, but she gets lost in playing the piano. That’s her meditation. The key is finding what brings you fully into the present moment with a sense of absorption and satisfaction.

The Path Forward

As we navigate these turbulent times together, remember: Connection is not optional. It’s essential. Check in with yourself about how many people you need in your life—there’s no right number. Then nurture those relationships deliberately.

Reach out. Show up. Share what you have. Accept help when it’s offered. These small acts of connection aren’t just nice—they’re what will carry us through.